This is directed towards those struggling with herpes and dating.
I have been one of you. I am female, have had herpes for 4 years, and am to be married in 3 months.
In 2003, about 2 weeks after I contracted herpes, I sat in a church pew watching a close friend get married.
My thoughts at the time were this : because I have herpes I will never find a husband, I will never marry, I will always be alone.
Sounds grim, doesn't it?
Its been a long road since then. The biggest mistake I made (aside from unprotected sex), was LETTING herpes define me and ruin me, for a while.
I didn't tell my closest of friends for over 7 years.
Believe it or not, it took THIS SUPPORT SITE http://herpesmates.com and a good man to get me beyond that crap. A few suggestions I have for those struggling to tell a new partner about your herpes: 1) Of course tell him/her prior to any sexual activity; 2) If you haven't told anyone (as I hadn't), tell a few close friends.
It will help you talk about it and make you feel normal when its no longer a big secret.
I was amazed by my friends reactions - no big deal! No shock or horror! :).
Okay, this is how I told my fiancee about my herpes.
We were dating about 2 months.
He was soooo nice to me. The closer we got the more nervous I got about having to tell him. I had not been closely involved with a guy for over 5 years! We kept going out on dates that ended up back at my apartment.
When things got physical I would always "toss" him out! He was starting to get frustrated.
When I finally knew that I really liked this guy I knew the time came to tell him. Like I said in earlier posts, I practiced by telling my girlfriends.
I just called them up and said I have to tell you this! It was wacko in a way, but great.
So he came over one night, I drank a glass of wine, sat him down, and started with "I have to tell you something".
And just told him.
He was a doll...
he held my hand. My eyes tear right now when I think of it. He was so relieved - he thought I was going to break it off with him. I immediatly said he should take some time to think about it and about us, that I had some information he could read. He said, whats to think about?
He was great.
He did not himself have it, but seemed more informed than I thought, and certainly more informed than I was when I got it. He did end up doing some research in the library on his own a few days later.
I'm glad he did.
We use condoms, still to this day. I am on zovirax daily, I have had 2 breakouts in the last 19 months.
A few times we did have sex w/out condoms, I admit.
But that makes me uncomfortable and nervous.
So we stick to the condoms.
We are keeping an open eye to the development of vaccines to prevent herpes and are confident that eventually something will be on the market.
My next hurdle will be pregnancy and herpes, God willing.
Its true this definately weeds out people who probably wouldn't stick around in your life anyway.
I wanted to post my story here because it is true, but also I think that there are many, many positive and happy people who have gotten herpes that just don't come here and post - and we need to hear these stories too, not just the sad ones. Keep on smiling.
Need more friends like you, meet them at http://herpesmates.com.
Lucy
Posted by Lucyqinery on 11/15/07 10:00 AM
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